2018 / poetry / author
MARY SILWANCE
THE DISAPPEARED
…
term to describe
people erased
for existing
against the sanctioned grain--
the disappeared
gone
not like the rapture
not from natural causes diseases accidents age
but deleted
the disappeared
aborted
long after birth
tossed into
the garbage bin
behind history books
the disappeared
expunged--
blue contacts over brown seeing
flat iron over kinky locks
Levis over galabeya
Irish Spring over cumin
the letters of your name
syllables of self
rearranged for
strangers in a strange land
the disappeared
REMEMBERING
…
to re
member
do I go back to the beginning
and start over
like a song or special handshake
relying on the first note
first gesture to unravel the whole
or can I remember
right where I am
place my finger
in the middle of a word
sentence page book
in the middle of a library
endless with middles
and recall how it started and why
to re
member
as in
put back together
like humpty dumpty
only it’s not a child’s rhyme
it’s my line
as in
to re claim
re pair
re turn
not to Humpty-Dumpty’s wall
measured and martyred
but to myself
to re member
how it started and why
(I’m even
writing this poem)
to remember
I need the quiet dark of upturned soil
my shovel’s blade, my pen’s ink, cutting
through the crusty now
for the fertile backstory
of what’s to come
WHAT WILL BE
…
November has already made husks of
what once was
I work fast
against nearing dusk
the sky charcoal streaked
releasing tomato plants
vines collapse
withered fruit, now tombs
for cutworm, roll away
tired soil soon tucked under
sheets of russet leaves
my beds readied
for hibernation
I pause
cheek on rake
wood worn smooth
and want
my own gestation
deep silence
to swaddle me
stretch womb wide
a season of my own
making from what once
was cells inchoate coalesce
in increments of soil
gathering already
to ripen into
what will
be
THEN
…
Back when you were Padilla
with an L
not Padilla with an Y lilt
and Revlon Realistic
my constant smell
I avoided you like we was
Wonder Twins.
Our browness would
activate
in the form of:
otherness.
So I straightened my hair
and you insisted on L and we
weren’t friends. We
ended up brown still
Wonder
Twins after all.
WHITE OUT
…
I have spent my life
(un)
hearing
language
re:
arranging
syntax
shifting
ca dence
editing be
fore speak
ing
deleting
before expressing
I have
chewed
off
my tongue.